They say it鈥檚 harder to find a partner after you鈥檝e reached a certain age, and it鈥檚 true. There are a million reasons, but at the top of most people鈥檚 lists is that they simply don鈥檛 want to put up with someone else鈥檚 bad behavior. You may simply reach a point in life where you鈥檙e no longer willing to deal with anyone else鈥檚 BS.
One of my middle-aged friends (hey, 50 is the new 30, right?) who is currently looking for a mate complains endlessly about the men she is meeting through a matchmaker and through online dating. The matchmaker cost her $10,000, and the results were no better than her dates through the online service at $29.95 a month. None of the guys have met her criteria. Is her bar too high? Let鈥檚 see 鈥 he has to have a degree and a job, not be in debt and be attractive. Sounds reasonable. But one guy isn鈥檛 emotionally available, another has too much baggage, and another who was really cute never called her back.
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Clearly the right one hasn鈥檛 come along for my friend. You can call it being picky, or you can call it living long enough to know what you don鈥檛 need in your life.
For years, we were all told not to settle, and many people now choose to live alone rather than be in a lonely relationship with someone who isn鈥檛 right for them. Once you have decided that you aren鈥檛 getting either what you need or what you want, your desire to stay with a person dies like an untended campfire. And if you have been through a divorce or two or even a couple of bad breakups, it can dampen your desire to get involved with another human being.
They say that time heals all wounds, but that just doesn鈥檛 hold true if your heart has been broken by someone who betrayed your trust or abused you. Being a little gun shy comes with the territory. You still need to be involved with the world, but you have the final say over if and when you might be ready to open your heart again.
I do believe that we are better in relationships than out of them. They give us the opportunity to grow in different ways and to feel validated, and being in a relationship can make life easier as well as sweeter. But that doesn鈥檛 mean that you need to be in a relationship to have a full and meaningful life.
We all need people, but perhaps after some time has passed, the ways in which we need them can change. If you aren鈥檛 part of a couple, you may find that partnering in a business or just being part of the community can answer that need. Sometimes family members move far away, but other times they move closer and become a bigger part of the second half of your life. If you are open to different things, you won鈥檛 find yourself disappointed or alone.
Life has a lot to offer. Whether you allow yourself to experiment with new possibilities or you choose to complain about how nothing ever changes 鈥 or that all the 鈥済ood ones鈥 are already taken 鈥 is up to you. It鈥檚 perfectly OK to be picky. Just make sure you pick something to get involved in, and don鈥檛 let life pass you by.